“I took month-long vacations in the stratosphere and you know it’s really hard to hold your breath.

I swear I lost everything I ever loved or feared, I was the cosmic kid in full costume dress

Well, my feet they finally took root in the earth but I got me a nice little place in the stars

And I swear I found the key to the universe in the engine of an old parked car

I hid in the mother breast of the crowd but when they said “Pull down” I pulled up
Ooh-ooh growin’ up. Ooh-ooh growin’ up”

Bruce Springsteen

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Emily and Gregory

Life - kids and all that - both are sitting their school exams, A levels and GCSE’s respectively, takes me back to the long summer of ‘76.   Life was ahead of me and my best friend Barry, all we wanted was girls and sport, simple days.  We managed the sport quite easily, we played football, tennis, golf, and probably subutteo, mixed with snooker.  The girls were around us, so halcyon days, as they say.

Now it is the turn of Emily and Gregory to go through their school rite of passage, completing exams and looking ahead to what life has in store for them.

As for me ‘Growin’ up’ - it took me 12,000 miles of travelling to work out what I wanted in life to finally grow up.  I sincerely hope that it doesn’t take as long for these two to work it out.  Maybe I am retarded, or have always wanted the elixir of youth.  My father once said candidly, he never wanted to grow up as such, and yet he was always a sensble and responsible father, a father whom I couldn’t ask of any more as an inspiration and guiding hand for my development.  I on the other hand have let my children down, a guilt which I have at last come to terms with and apart from the obvious regret of leaving them behind when I fled the family nest and all the heartache it created, I have at last seemed to reconcile with my demons to some extent and have a purpose.

That is something to which I would never wish on anyone else.

However, I now have a purpose to living again, a true focus, one which imbues me with confidence and optimism.  I will secure my future with Tam in vietnam.

What about Emily and Gregory? how can I do this to them?  frankly, I cannot wait for the odd weekend visits in the future  from Emily and Gregory, they are ‘Growin Up’ and have less demands on their old man.  A parental guide? stability, well over the past 5 years I haven’t exactly been the best parent to guide them.  I would have loved to be there more often for Emily, she may have felt ignored, and I too similarly felt the same.  We are cast from the same mould.  She is a lovely girl (well she is my daughter), She has lovely friends and has had a great school life, and now this Autumn will embark on a teaching degree to be a sports teacher.  How can she? when she didn’t even know the mother of all games was taking place at Wembley between Barca and United?  She will be a good teacher, she is very athletic, and she will succeed.  She can take to most sports in an instant, and I believe she can dance well too.

Gregory - has switched - for whatever reason -to at last see football as the ‘beautiful game’ - maybe living without me and talking to new found friends he realises football does offer him an alternative interest than the X-box.  He suddenly knows about players and teams, and is reading about footy!  Am in shock, I thought it would never happen, after all this time the penny has dropped on what a great game it is.  He still practices his skills, and is a very technical footballer, I just wish he could see that himself, once he does, there will be no stopping him.  All his team-mates see him as the one with the extra skill, the one with a creative thought and has the ability to execute all manner of skills with the ball.  Greg just ‘Believe’ .

So as Greg opicks up the baton for footy, I appear to be the one who runs out on them again by leaving and planning to go to Vietnam.  The bottom line is, ‘life is an opportunity‘ so I am going to grab mine in Chu Lai with Tam.  I cannot wait for life to pass me by any longer, the last 5 years have whizzed by, and I stood still.  No more, my travels ensured I understood that my time is to live again, and that I will do with Tam.  Warts and all.

My family extends to 2 - Greg and Emily.  That cannot change, but what can change is the way we live life, and to that end, who’s to say Emily won’t end up living in the US, or Australia, or Gregory somewhere. Already Phillip (not seen for 2 years) is in Johannesburg.  Why should I wait in England? Life is for living, happiness is out there and I found mine in Vietnam, no more misery, have suffered enough

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